To Break Up or Not to Break Up…?

This testimony was written by Denise from Kenya

Hi,

My name is Denise. I’m 17 years old, almost 18. I just really need someone to talk to and give me advice, because I’ve never gone through this before, and there is no one else I can turn to. Mine isn’t really a break up story…well, not yet anyway. I recently got into a relationship with a boy at school. I don’t normally get into relationships. Actually, I can safely say that this is my first real relationship with a boy.

After reading the “Mirror Mirror” book, and also getting information from other sources, I’m starting to feel like getting into this was a serious mistake. There are many reasons why I feel this way but I’d say that the first is that it’s really mixed up my relationship with God. I mean, before, I’d wake up and the first thing I’d think about would be reading my Bible or talking to God. But ever since things started getting serious between this guy and myself, things have changed. I think I’ve compromised on a lot of things…

I already really care about this guy, I really really do…but what’s the point in giving our hearts to each other? We’ve talked about it once before, and we both know that our relationship is getting serious. We’re also both really scared of the heart break that we will go through IF we break up. The closer we get, the harder it will be if we break up right?

It’s just so unbelievably hard…I really have no idea what to do…this whole business really frightens me, but at the same time, I’ve never experienced all these wonderful “mushy gushy” feelings before so it’s kind of exciting. I don’t know if I should end it…and if so…HOW?? I really don’t want to be the one to hurt him. In fact, I’d rather he breaks up with me than I break up with him.

Please help me…?

Community Responses

Equally Yoked

Hey! my name is Pammy!! I totally understand what you are goin through!!

I have had only 2 serious relationships. My current boyfriend lives in California and I live in PA.

My first question that I want you to think about is..

Is this man that you have feelings for a man of God?

If so before you go to extreme measures and break up with him.. try doing devotions with him. My boyfriend and I read a chapter of Psalms a day. We use to pray and do devotions together all the time and then he left for the militarchy and we lost that. let me tell you that it is okay to think about him all the time. But you still have to make time for God. Your relationship with your boyfriend has to be You and your boyfriend AND God. You have to include him. Allow him to work through your relationship and if it is in his will than he will strengthen you to make you both stronger.

I will pray for you and your relationship.. If he is a Christian I will encourage you to stay with him and pray and read the bible together! God bless!! I am praying for you!! let me know how things work out!

Love your sister in Christ,
Pammy <3

Hurtful

Hi Denise, you are totally right when you say that the deeper you get into a relationship the more hurtful it is when you break up, especially if your having any kind of sex. My advice to you would be to not date unless you are ready for marriage. If you are not ready, then why date? It only causes unnecessary heartache.

It is so much better to have a pure and unhurt heart for your future spouse. When you do get hurt by relationships it hardens your heart making you less vulnerable and less trusting. Which only can harm your relationship with a future spouse.

A pure and trusting heart is so important for a relationship. It will help you to bond and have the intimacy with that person the way God would want it to be.

As for this relationship effecting your relationship with God, I would say I’ve been in your shoes. We naturally want to depend on this person rather than God. It is so easy to put God off. But it is important to not get carried away during this time. If you continue to put God off I believe it will only have a negative effect on your relationship with this guy.

I don’t know about you, but whenever I go through periods of time where God isn’t first, things just don’t seem right. I don’t feel like I am me. It is only when I depend on God that I truly feel whole. Also God has so much wisdom to share that can be a relationship saver. He reminds you to put others first and to always love. So whatever you do, put Him first. It makes things just so much easier when you depend on Him rather than yourself.

Hope this was helpful.

Shea